I don’t say this to diminish your experience. That they relied on defensive coping mechanisms? Maladaptive coping behaviours?Ĭould it be that just maybe, you have a bit of that going on too? That they didn’t know how to do intimacy? Or commitment? That they struggled with confidence issues? Self-image? Anxiety? Stress? Depression? And again, it’s really freakin’ serious.īut for the rest of us… Could it be that your ex is imperfectly human? True narcissists are rare, and we all know that domestic abuse is more widespread).Īgain, you’ll need some intense therapy to help heal from that. (Yes, there’s overlap, but not as much as you’d think. Or perhaps they weren’t a narcissist, but you were actually in an abusive relationship. If the answer is a legit yes, then you’ll need therapy to recover from that. But throwing all our dark stuff under the ‘narcissism’ banner is not the way to make change happen. We don’t always show up as our best selves.Īnd no, that’s not me excusing bad behaviour. There’s subtle dynamics that play out and it gets messy AF. YOUR truth.Īt best, it keeps you locked in the blame game, making it hard to move on.Īt worst, it keeps you blind to your own role in the relationship. It’s a statement to yourself – that you finally see that the way they treated you was not up to scratch.Īnd now that the dust has settled, you can finally see the truth again. Applying the label can feel like a huge relief at first. Mis-labelling your ex (or even your current partner) a narcissist won’t help you in the long term.
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